We'll stop spying if we can borrow your soccer team

"According to a new study, one in four Americans admits to not exercising at all. As a result, one in four Americans is actually TWO in four Americans." –Seth Meyers



"This crazy weather we've been having all over the country — it's because the polar vortex is back. The polar vortex is causing the Midwest to experience fall-like temperatures. I can't tell if climate change is still a problem or if God just put the Earth on 'Shuffle.'" –Jimmy Fallon



"President Obama called German Chancellor Angela Merkel yesterday to talk about improving relations with our country after this latest spying scandal. Obama made her a pretty good offer. He said, 'Look, we'll stop spying if we can borrow your soccer team.'" –Jimmy Fallon