"I heard that Rob Ford's nephew is planning to run for a
seat on the Toronto City Council. He has an interesting campaign slogan: 'I'm
adopted!'" –Jimmy Fallon
"According to a new poll, two-thirds of people in Colorado
think it should be illegal to smoke marijuana in public, while the other
one-third are still laughing at the word 'poll.'" –Seth Meyers
"You can tell this drought is getting really bad. Today at
lunch, my waiter asked if I wanted a glass of water or a future for my
children. I took the water." –Conan O'Brien
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