Now, where’s the piece of foil on your chest where I poke the straw (no one wants to see him in a thong)

January 2023

“All good things must come to an end. Kevin McCarthy was finally elected Speaker of the House early on Saturday morning, a time famous for good decisions. All right, we just elected a new speaker – I’m going to drunk-dial my ex and eat this week-old sushi.” —Stephen Colbert

“McCarthy eventually celebrated his victory with a pained grin and the speaker’s gavel, or showing his party what they get to spend the next two years repeatedly banging his nutsack with.” —Stephen Colbert

“Speaking to reporters, the new speaker tried to frame the dysfunction as a positive: ‘because it took this long, now we know how to govern’. Really? Just this last week you learned how to govern? There are some things you shouldn’t learn through trial and error at the last minute. That’s like a surgeon saying, ‘Well, it took me 15 tries to open my Capri-Sun, but this triple bypass should be a snap. Now, where’s the piece of foil on your chest where I poke the straw.’” —Stephen Colbert

“There was an insurrection attempt in Brazil clearly modeled on January 6th in the US. Before this deja-coup, allies of the ousted Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro met with some of Trump’s advisers, including Steve Bannon. Oh no, Steve Bannon has gone Brazilian? Regular Steve Bannon was bad enough, no one wants to see him in a thong.” —Stephen Colbert

“Our graphics department did create an image of Steve Bannon in a thong, but the CBS lawyers told us that broadcasting it would violate the Geneva conventions.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

My man, don’t be so modest (I need to re-evaluate my behavior)

December 2021

“If you fly Spirit, that’s the oxygen mask that drops down in an emergency.” — Jimmy Fallon, on a United Airlines passenger who wore a red thong on his face to protest mask requirements (and who later compared himself to Rosa Parks)

“Rosa Parks? My man, don’t be so modest — you’re more than Rosa Parks. If anything, you’re the Martin Luther King of white dudes comparing themselves to Black heroes for no reason.” —Trevor Noah

“A few minutes later, an air marshal walked over and gave him a mouth wedgie.” —Jimmy Fallon

“You know, for real, sometimes I think conservatives are right: America shouldn’t be teaching the history of racism in schools, because then at least white people wouldn’t know who to compare themselves to when they get kicked off airplanes for doing dumb [expletive]. ‘I’m exactly the same as — huh, I can’t think of anybody, you know? Maybe I’m just a [expletive] wearing panties on my face. I need to re-evaluate my behavior.’” —Trevor Noah

“And, by the way, can we all agree there’s no way this dude just starting sniffing thongs during the pandemic? I bet you he’s been going around for years like, ‘Looks like I got kicked out of the dorm because I’m once again the Rosa Parks of my sister’s friend’s underwear drawer.’” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”