It’s gonna be a long party. Go slow. (Smokey is way more intense in person)

I like rice. Rice is great when you are really hungry and you want 2,000 of something. --Mitch Hedberg

My friends and I took acid and went into the woods. Because it’s less likely that you’ll run into an authority figure in the woods. Well we ran into a bear which was even more of a buzzkill. My friend Dewayne was standing there raising his right hand swearing to help prevent forest fires. We got away from the bear and Dewayne put his arm around my shoulder he said, “Mitch, Smokey is way more intense in person.” —Mitch Hedberg

A lot of radio stations, they like to use  frequency numbers to count down the days of summer. Like FM 107 will celebrate 107 days of summer. You know AM stations can't do this. We are AM 1610 celebrating the sixteen-hundred and ten days of the next four and a half years. It’s gonna be a long party. Go slow. —Mitch Hedberg

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

when you are really hungry and you want 2,000 of something (I'll just get a tan instead)

I like rice. Rice is great when you are really hungry and you want 2,000 of something. --Mitch Hedberg

I was going to have my teeth whitened but then I said screw that I'll just get a tan instead. --Mitch Hedberg

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

when you are really hungry and you want 2,000 of something (You have fallen directly into my trap)

You know you can't you can't please all the people all the time and last night all those people came to my show. --Mitch Hedberg

I can't wait till this set is  over because I have a roll of lifesavers in my pocket and pineapple is next. --Mitch Hedberg

I like rice. Rice is great when you are really hungry and you want 2,000 of something. --Mitch Hedberg

I like refried beans. But I would like to try fried beans because maybe they are just as good but we are wasting time. --Mitch Hedberg

I tried to walk into the Target store but I missed. --Mitch Hedberg

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”