What if soccer had less soccer? (call off work bestie, we need you to solve a m*rder)

The World Cup final is this Sunday and will now feature a halftime show because somewhere an American consultant asked, "What if soccer had less soccer?” —Joe Mackey    

Just 24 hours after proposing it, President Trump withdrew his 20% toll on cargo passing through the straight of Hormuz. Though, for some reason, shippers still have to pay a 20% fee to Ticket Master. —Joe Mackey 

In a recent interview, Keith Richards called America a bit of a disappointment at the moment, leaving many people concerned that he's having trouble finding drugs. —Joe Mackey 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

shaped like toad from Mario Kart (If it please the court)

The official name of the trial is The People of the State of New York v Donald Trump. The people of the state of New York? That’s us! I know you’re excited, but don’t cheer too loud. We need you to get picked for jury duty. —Stephen Colbert

This is an historic moment we will all tell our grandchildren about … very carefully. Imagine the tale: ‘Well, there was a president who met a special actress for, let’s say, grownup movies, at a celebrity golf event and invited her over for a play date because his wife was too busy to play ’cause she had a new baby. So the actress gave him a friendly pat on the bottom with a magazine about money with his photo on it, and then they shared a special unprotected hug. Then he gave her a present so she wouldn’t tell anyone that his bathing suit area was shaped like toad from Mario Kart.’ —Stephen Colbert

The trial could go on for months, during which time Trump is scheduled for in-person and virtual campaign events. That’s going to make for some awkward trial moments – ‘your honor, could we wrap this up please? Because I am late for a rally where I call for your execution. If it please the court.’ —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The craziest part — no one asked the cow to do that (I bet his cellmate is going to love his chore poster)

Former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort stole millions of dollars, committed tax and bank fraud, and, in June, he went to jail for witness tampering, a crime he committed while he was on house arrest for a different crime. The nicest thing you can say about him is that he's great at multitasking. I bet his cellmate is going to love his chore poster. --Seth Meyers

A farm in Ohio has the words “NO TRUMP” written so large in cow manure that it can be seen by overhead planes. The craziest part — no one asked the cow to do that. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If you're ever on trial for underpaying your nanny, you could get the death penalty (Why science teachers should never be given playground duty)

"I think a lot of people are really overreacting to this whole swine flu thing. Don't you? Come on. Like today at Disney World, they quarantined Sneezy. There was no cause for that." --Jay Leno

"President Obama said that the country needs to remember that it is cool to be smart. Today, former President George W. Bush gave the rebuttal." --Jay Leno

"There's now talk here in California of letting noncitizens serve on juries. The bad news: If you're ever on trial for underpaying your nanny, you could get the death penalty." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”