Captain Underpants has been promoted to Colonel (Hey — baguettes)

On Monday, Donald Trump met with the president of Panama and bragged that the U.S. built the Panama Canal. Trump’s bringing up a project from 100 years ago like he had something to do with it. So I guess if he never builds his border wall, he can always take credit for the one in China. –James Corden

This is basically the only thing Trump knows about Panama. He meets someone from Panama and says, “Hey — canal.” He meets someone from France and says, “Hey — baguettes.” He meets someone from Russia and says, “Hey — thanks for helping me with that whole beating Hillary thing.” –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535

If I had read that many of Anthony Weiner’s emails, I don’t think I’d ever dance again

During a meeting with the president of Panama today, President Trump said, “We did a good job building the Panama Canal,” despite the fact that the canal was constructed over a century ago. Mr. President, if you’re going to keep saying stuff this dumb in front of other world leaders, could you at least wear a big bandage on your head? You know, so it seems like there’s a reason. –Seth Meyers

Former FBI Director James Comey was reportedly seen dancing this weekend at a wedding in Washington, D.C. Gotta say, I’m impressed. If I had read that many of Anthony Weiner’s emails, I don’t think I’d ever dance again. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535

His dad couldn't get him out of it? (Boobs, Idiots and Political Hacks)

"Senator Larry Craig, you know who he is, America's favorite restroom enthusiast -- he is now seeking interns for the summer term. He's taking applications for interns to work. In fact, the first question he asks you, 'You're not a cop, are you?' He's looking for them on eHarmony.com. They have to have the 29 dimensions of compatibility." --Jay Leno

"Here's a story that was leaked to the press today. You know, Prince Harry, God bless him, serving his country. He's in Afghanistan on the front lines and he's been there before. Of course, it's been a huge secret. But he's been serving on the front lines in Afghanistan. Of course, President Bush was stunned when he heard this, and he said, 'His dad couldn't get him out of it?'" --Jay Leno

"Today, very strange development for John McCain. Have you heard about this? The New York Times just reported that John McCain may be constitutionally barred from becoming president because he was born outside the United States in the Panama Canal Zone. When he heard this, McCain said, 'That's ridiculous. When I was born, there was no Panama Canal.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JusticeDemocrats #Bernie2020

I'm going to build a speed bump and make Taco Bell pay for it (Siri, how will I die?)

Papa John’s has announced it will be coming out with an app for Apple TV that will allow customers to order pizza from their screen. You get a soda, breadsticks, and a large pizza when you say, “Siri, how will I die?” –Seth Meyers

Sarah Palin just posted on Facebook that she tripped and fell while doing something called “Rock-running.” Not sure what rock-running is, but I think it’s when you jog while playing air guitar. Palin fell and hit her head on a rock. Don’t worry, she’s OK or, you know, the same. –Stephen Colbert

Trump is planning a major immigration policy speech Wednesday in Arizona. Now, he was originally supposed to give it last Thursday in Colorado, so it moved later and further south. If he delays it again, it’s Monday at the Panama Canal. –Stephen Colbert