even the guard who fell asleep watching Jeffrey Epstein is at 2 percent (Wow, it’s just like the White House)

“Guys, some 2020 election news — Democratic candidate John Hickenlooper is considering dropping out of the presidential race. ‘Don’t do it,’ said absolutely no one. It makes sense — right now he’s polling at zero percent. I’m not saying his campaign is in bad shape, but even the guard who fell asleep watching Jeffrey Epstein is at 2 percent.”” --Jimmy Fallon

“Now get this: In Ohio, the Guinness world record was just broken for most people scratching Lotto tickets at the same time. Even worse, that’s Trump’s plan to fix the economy.” --Jimmy Fallon

“But the Iowa State Fair is a huge event featuring deep-fried Twinkies, bacon-wrapped sausage, and brownies on a stick. Or as one guy put it [imitating Trump], ‘Wow, it’s just like the White House.’” --Jimmy Fallon

“I’m not saying the economy is in trouble, but right now, giving money to John Hickenlooper’s presidential campaign is a better investment.” --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

They're now building a wall on the border

Donald Trump was photographed at the Iowa State Fair eating a pork chop on a stick. That's what I love about America. You can fly on a private jet and eat at five-star restaurants. But if you want to be president, when they hand you a pork chop on a stick in Iowa, you have to eat it. –Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump landed his helicopter at the state fair and offered to take some kids on a ride in the helicopter. Twenty kids took the helicopter ride with Trump. He dropped them off in Texas. They're now building a wall on the border. –Jimmy Kimmel

All the ponies in Iowa have gone into hiding

Chris Christie said he will top Donald Trump's Iowa State Fair helicopter entrance by riding in on a pony. As a result, all the ponies in Iowa have gone into hiding. –Conan O’Brien

This weekend many of the Republican candidates said they used a fit bit. In fact, Jeb Bush uses his to see how much distance he can put between himself and his last name. –Conan O’Brien

Butter sculpture of Kevin Costner

"Since January, Colorado has made nearly $30 million in taxes from marijuana sales. That's in addition to the $40 million they made taxing Doritos. It goes hand-in-hand." –Conan O'Brien

"To commemorate the 25th anniversary of 'Field of Dreams,' the Iowa State Fair is displaying a 200-pound butter sculpture of Kevin Costner. Or as Paula Deen put it, 'If you build it . . . I will come.'" –Jimmy Fallon



"Rick Perry is fueling speculation that he'll run in 2016 by visiting the Iowa State Fair. Unfortunately, he hurt his chances by holding a two-hour conversation with that butter sculpture of Kevin Costner." –Jimmy Fallon