That's why it's a million pages long (Excuse me, but I saw 'Jingle All the Way.')

"Arnold Schwarzenegger's book is out today. Arnold's book reveals all the secrets he kept from his wife. That's why it's a million pages long." –Craig Ferguson

"Arnold Schwarzenegger says in the book cheating on Maria was the stupidest thing he ever did. Excuse me, but I saw 'Jingle All the Way.'" –Craig Ferguson

"It's not a great day for old folks. Today, the Social Security Administration announced there will be no cost of living increase for senior citizens. A couple of years ago, President Bush wanted to privatize Social Security and put all the money in the stock market. That would have worked out. That would be like hiring Michael Vick to look after your dog!" –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”