I always assumed I would be impeached (because when it hums in his pants, it reminds him of the '90s)

"Last week I announced that I'm retiring. Now I'm hoping I can hang on long enough so my son can take over the show. I never thought I would retire. I always assumed I would be impeached." –David Letterman 

"I thought this was kind of cute. Did you hear about this? Bill Clinton is giving a speech in New Hampshire. I guess it was yesterday. During the speech, he takes a cell phone call from his wife Hillary. And, you know, Bill, of course, keeps the cell phone on vibrate -- I don't even have to finish the joke, do I? -- because when it hums in his pants, it reminds him of the '90s." –David Letterman

"Oh! This is exciting. John McCain now has finally decided on his vice president. Yeah. The only question now is from which house will he make the announcement." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”