Why alien abductions happen only at night (if only there was some way to mellow that guy out)

May 2013

"A man arrested for shooting at the White House says he was upset over U.S. marijuana laws. Man, if only there was some way to mellow that guy out." –Stephen Colbert

"Here’s the week’s only good news: Anthony Weiner is running for mayor of New York City. He announced it earlier today in his underpants." –David Letterman

"Martha Stewart signs with Match.com to find her Mr. Right. She's getting tips from the CEO there. Wait, isn't that insider dating?" –David Letterman

"Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is in trouble. He was arrested this week for threatening to expose some sensitive government secrets. And you can tell it's serious. His bail was set at 200 goats." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”