August 2011
"A new survey revealed that being an IT guy is the most hated job in the country. Or as President Obama put it, 'Wanna bet?'" –Jimmy Fallon
"The federal government has a new plan that will let people send texts to 911. Yeah, it's a little frustrating when you try to text 'Burglar! Please hurry!,' and it auto-corrects to 'Burger, please. Hungry.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Michele Bachmann paid $30 each for 6,000 voting tickets in Iowa and got 4,800 votes, so 1,200 people stole her $30. It’s funny that someone who doesn’t believe in government handouts paid 6,000 people to vote for her." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Tim Pawlenty dropped out of the race for president, saying he wants to spend more time lacking charisma with his family." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Only 39 percent of Americans approve of the job President Obama is doing. Ratings are at an all-time low, but ratings for 'Jersey Shore' are at an all-time high." –Jimmy Kimmel
"If I were president, I would just pass a law against opinion polls. Hit them at the source." –Jimmy Kimmel
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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