“Trump’s abysmal poll numbers, which put disapproval of his job performance at 54%, the highest recorded for any president at this point in his first term. Right now, Trump seems to be polling somewhere between Jake Paul and that time I decided to grow a mustache for the summer. When Trump saw his numbers, he started crying and then was like, ‘I’m not crying, it’s the teargas from my church photoshoot blowing back in my face.’” —Jimmy Fallon
“That’s right, everyone seems to be turning on him – to give you an example, Fox & Friends is now just Fox and Friend. At this point, Trump should just go for 100% disapproval and then take credit for uniting the country.” —Jimmy Fallon
“A cellphone video captured a Miami police officer shoving a woman with her hands up to the ground; the Miami Herald later found that that officer had been reviewed by police internal affairs for excessive force 79 times in three and a half years on the job. Seventy-nine times in three and a half years – I haven’t used shampoo that much in the same time period. And granted, I probably should’ve, but how many times do you have to get in trouble before you get fired. No other job works like that! If a commercial airline pilot had been investigated 79 times for flying upside down and doing barrel rolls while hammered on Goldschläger, we wouldn’t be like, ‘All right, man, 80 strikes and you’re out!’” —Seth Meyers
“Please don’t buy the false narrative that these are lawless mobs. The vast majority of these protests have been peaceful. And you might not know that if you watch cable news, because to the news, peace is boring. That’s why CNN just launched their sister network: the Burning Trash Can Channel.” —Stephen Colbert
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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