“One disturbing part of this poll was the fact that 14 percent of voters would vote for another candidate, would not vote or did not know. Did not know? How the hell do you live through three and half years of Donald Trump and have no opinion? ‘What’s that? Who’s president? Donald Trump? The guy from “The Apprentice”? Well, I missed that one. I was binge-watching a marathon of Kevin Spacey movies’ — what?” —Stephen Colbert
“Yup, Joe Biden has his biggest lead yet. When he read about it in the paper, Biden was like, ‘Wow, good for Joe Biden. He must be thrilled.’” —Jimmy Fallon
“Not only is Biden ahead the polls, he also raised more money than Trump last month. Yeah, Trump’s so desperate for money, he’s going to start writing a tell-all book about himself.” —Jimmy Fallon
“Meanwhile, Trump’s poll numbers are so low, he asked if he could declare bankruptcy and start over.” —Jimmy Fallon
“Those numbers are so bad for Trump, today he held up John Bolton’s book to change the subject.” —Jimmy Fallon
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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