“Now according to reports, the reason for this rally was that White House officials wanted to get Trump out of his funk and get him in front of a huge cheering crowd to lift his spirits. And in that regard, it was a great success. I mean, look how happy he is returning home from Tulsa.” — James Corden, on Trump’s less-than-triumphant return to the White House from Tulsa
“I have never seen a person get out of a helicopter looking that sad. He looks like he’s walking home after a wedding where he got stood up at the altar but still had to party because everything was nonrefundable.” —Trevor Noah
“Trump staked his political fortunes and his ego on this rally, and it was such a flop he even had to cancel a planned second speech to what they thought would be an overflow crowd outside before Trump had landed. Crews were literally breaking down the stage because so few people were there. In other words, though he may be president of the US, they’re treating him like the least popular band at Coachella.” —Seth Meyers
“Trump’s performance was just as lackluster as his attendance. You’d think, at a moment like this, the president might want to offer soothing words about the state of the nation and the various crises we face. Instead, Trump spent one of every eight minutes in Tulsa complaining about coverage of his West Point speech. Specifically, mockery of the way Trump tiptoed down a ramp like a toddler on ice skates, and how he drank a glass of water with two hands. In Tulsa, Trump attempted to explain the awkward glass-clutching as a strategy to avoid splashing water on his tie, then turned taking a sip of water into a crescendo moment to cheers from the under-capacity crowd. Seriously, has a president’s base ever set a lower bar? ‘Woo! That arm works! That arm works!’ The crowd cheered the president drinking water with one hand the way NASA cheered when they landed a rover on Mars.” —Seth Meyers
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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