the U.S. just sent our ambassador over there to get our CDs and T-shirts back (a mediator, an arbitrator, and a translator)

"The White House described the relationship between the United States and Pakistan as 'complicated.' In fact it's so complicated that the U.S. just sent our ambassador over there to get our CDs and T-shirts back." –Conan O'Brien 

"Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver have split up after 25 years of marriage. It's the first marital separation that will require a mediator, an arbitrator, and a translator." –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump insisted yesterday that he is not racist, because one time an African-American won 'Apprentice.' Because nothing says 'not racist' like making a black man run your errands." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”