"Apparently, members of al-Qaida are online slamming the U.S. after we killed Bin Laden. I don't understand why they're so upset. Everyone in al-Qaida just got a promotion." –Craig Ferguson
"President Obama must be very happy because he finally took down his arch enemy: Donald Trump. The bin Laden announcement interrupted 'Celebrity Apprentice.'" –Craig Ferguson
"Osama bin Laden's death has been in the news all day. Leftish stations are going, 'President Obama saves the world.' Stations on the right are going, 'Obama kills fellow Muslim.'" –Craig Ferguson
"President Bush surprised 30 immigrants by showing up and personally swearing them in as U.S. citizens. There was an awkward moment when President Bush said, 'You may now kiss the bride.'" --Conan O'Brien
"Immigration is the big issue right now. Earlier today, the Senate voted to build a 370-mile fence along the Mexican border. Experts say a 370-mile fence is the perfect way to protect a border that is 1,900 miles long." --Conan O'Brien
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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