She said she likes her lovemaking loud, rough and frequent... (His reason? It detects lies)

According to a controversial new biography, Elizabeth Taylor likes her lovemaking loud, rough and frequent. Coincidentally that's also how she likes eat. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

A new development in the OJ Simpson civil trial this week. According to sworn testimony Nicole Brown Simpson had told her therapist that she was afraid of getting beaten by OJ Simpson. When  asked why he didn't report this earlier, the therapist said I was afraid of getting beaten by OJ Simpson, --Norm Macdonald, SNL

Our top story tonight comes from the OJ Simpson civil trial where this week it was revealed that in his first interview with police Simpson had refused to take a lie-detector test. His reason? It detects lies. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

After numerous requests the National Institute of Health has finally granted funds to the University of New Mexico in order to test mice for the deadly hantavirus. Although I'm sure the government would have acted a lot sooner if instead of mice the hantavirus was killing off rich white guys. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”