"Mr. Whittington is
doing fine, but based on this development, we're going to downgrade the
condition of this story from 'Incredibly Hilarious' to 'Still funny, but, mmm,
now a little sad.'" --Jon Stewart, on the heart attack Harry Whittington
suffered after being shot by Dick Cheney
"It turns out now
that Dick Cheney did not have a license to hunt, and coincidentally, turns out
we didn't have a license to go into Iraq." --David Letterman
"Kind of a sad study
out today that single women over the age of 35 are more likely to be shot by the
vice president than to find a husband." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Remember when the
most embarrassing thing to happen to a vice-president was misspelling the word
potato?" --Jimmy Kimmel
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