"'The Hobbit' opens today. It's going to make a ton of
money this weekend. It will make more money than Mitt Romney spent losing the
election." –Craig Ferguson
"In what's being called a stunning literary find, a
Danish historian has discovered the last remaining, unpublished fairy tale from
Hans Christian Andersen. It's called 'Congress Solves the Fiscal Cliff.'"
–Jay Leno
"Police are now looking for a man who robbed a bank
wearing a Mitt Romney mask. He robbed the bank, fled the area, and then stashed
the money somewhere in the Cayman Islands." –Jay Leno
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