"Hey, this week was the season premiere of 'American
Idol.' And this year people are able to nominate their talented friends who
don't want to audition. Yeah, making someone try out for something they don't
really want -- or as Republicans call that, 'the Romney plan.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant on Wednesday asked state
legislatures to declare President Obama's new gun control proposals 'illegal,'
though I'm not sure if the Mississippi state legislature has that kind of power
since it's just thirty hissing possums in a barn." –Seth Meyers
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