"In a new interview, Newt Gingrich says he cheated on two of his wives because he was too consumed with love for his country. Yeah, apparently he misunderstood the phrase, 'Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance.'" –Conan O'Brien
"Charlie Sheen says he's going to go to Haiti: 'I want to show them what a real disaster looks like.'" –Conan O'Brien
"Los Angeles residents are going to vote on a tax on anything sold in a medical marijuana dispensary. If the measure passes the city could be solvent within 45 minutes." –Conan O'Brien
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