Iraq rememberer (Andrew Island)

Well, we start tonight with some breaking news. Just a few hours ago Spirit Airlines permanently shut down mid-flight. The airline stranded thousands of passengers at airports with no employees manning any of the check-in desks. Spirit said they were proud they were still maintaining their normal level of service. —Colin Jost

King Charles also presented President Trump with the original bell from a British submarine and said, "Should you ever need to get a hold of us, just give us a ring.” Or Trump could just call the guy saved in his phone as "Andrew (Island).” —Colin Jost  

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Bush said that his comments last week were based on 'intelligencia malo.' (What do you mean Jim's dead?)

"Despite President Bush saying last week that the national anthem should only be sung in English, it was revealed several times during his 2000 presidential campaign, the song was performed in Spanish. Bush said that his comments last week were based on 'intelligencia malo.'" --Amy Poehler

"Poland's prime minister, Donald Tusk, visited President Bush in Washington this week to discuss modernizing the Polish military. Specifically, replacing all the screen doors on Polish submarines." --Amy Poehler

"According to a national response plan, the U.S. government forecasts massive disruption if bird flu arises, with as much as 40% of the national workforce off the job. It's called the 'Holy God, what the hell is going on? What do you mean Jim's dead? Everyone shut up. I need to think. Are you coughing? Oh great, now we're all dead' plan." --Amy Poehler

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Imagine being a North Korean prairie dog (gang leader at a women's prison)

Some disturbing news out of North Korea, they conducted a nuclear test detonating a 10-kiloton device underground. You think it's hard being a North Korean? Imagine being a North Korean prairie dog. –Stephen Colbert

North Korea may soon have the technology to nuke countries other than their own because last month they tested a submarine-based missile called the "No Dong." The missile flew 300 miles before falling into the Sea of Japan. Man! The dolphins around Japan just cannot catch a break. –Stephen Colbert

I'd like to take a moment right now to reassure Kim Jong Un. Dear Leader, I want you to know that your ban on sarcasm is a great idea, it's so, SO smart. It doesn't seem desperate AT ALL. And setting off a bomb underneath your own country? Genius! By the way, that haircut — amazing! Doesn't make you look anything like a gang leader at a women's prison. –Stephen Colbert