new startup in India that will deliver condoms within 30 minutes (priest inside you)

There’s a new startup in India that will deliver condoms within 30 minutes. Or as every guy calls that, “Way too late.” –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump said yesterday that there will be a great place for former presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson in his administration if he wins. Although I’m guessing it won’t be secretary of energy. –Seth Meyers

Amazon in Japan is now offering a priest delivery service for Buddhists who don’t have a local temple. The box may look empty when it arrives, but after you gaze into it you realize the priest was inside you all along. –Seth Meyers

Whoomp! There It Is (Bush respects their leader, Buddha, as well)

"President Bush got back tonight from his very brief trip to Europe. Boy, remember the old days when it used to take longer than two days to visit all of our allies?" --Jay Leno

"Actually, one awkward moment in Hungary. See, I don't think President Bush really prepares for these trips. Geography is not his area. He told the people of Budapest that although he believes in Jesus, he respects their leader, Buddha, as well." --Jay Leno

"President Bush arrived in Austria for a summit yesterday. Bush was greeted by protestors banging drums and blowing whistles. There was an awkward moment when the president asked the protestors to play 'Whoomp! There It Is.'" --Conan O'Brein

Beautiful home. Four bedrooms, 29 bathrooms. (Can eighth cousins date?)

"Yesterday, the Dalai Lama had a private meeting with  President Bush. You know, the last Dalai the president greeted was Parton. Believe it or not, they actually have a lot in common. One of the goals of Zen Buddhism is to completely empty your mind. The president did that years ago." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Lynne Cheney, who's the wife of Vice President Dick Cheney, just wrote a book. Apparently, while she was researching the book, she discovered something very interesting about her husband's past [on screen: L. Cheney saying that D. Cheney and Barack Obama are eighth cousins]. Now that you mention it, I do see the resemblance. Cheney and Obama are cousins, like Fonzie and Chachi. Can eighth cousins date, by the way?"  --Jimmy Kimmel

"Earlier tonight on NBC, Idaho  Senator Larry Craig was on Matt Lauer. Until Matt was able to push him off. The interview was conducted in Senator Craig's home in Idaho. Beautiful home. Four bedrooms, 29 bathrooms." --Jay Leno