I don't need another step between me and toast (confused screaming)

I perform at a lot of colleges and I always buy the shirt from the college because the quality shirts are good and they are colorful. But people get the wrong idea. I walk around with a Washington University shirt on, some guy goes, ‘Hey, Washington. Did you go there?’ I said, ‘Yeah. It was a Wednesday.’ —Mitch Hedberg

Pepperidge Farm bread is some fine bread. That stuff is fancy man. It's wrapped twice. You open it and it still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it. I don't need another step between me and toast. --Mitch Hedberg

They have a fishing show on TV. They catch the fish but they let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, but they do want to make it late for something. --Mitch Hedberg

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah. It was a Wednesday (other dwelling cheese's)

I perform at a lot of colleges and I always buy the shirt from the college because the quality shirts are good and they are colorful. But people get the wrong idea. I walk around with a Washington University shirt on, some guy goes, ‘Hey, Washington. Did you go there?’ I said, ‘Yeah. It was a Wednesday.’ —Mitch Hedberg

I like to sleep, but I hate to dream because dreaming takes energy. It takes work. Sleeping is supposed to be relaxing. I lay down on a bed. It feels great, but the next thing you know I have to build a go-kart with my ex landlord. —Mitch Hedberg

I was at a restaurant and I ordered a chicken sandwich but I don't think the waitress understood me because she said how would you like your eggs. So I tried to answer her anyhow. I said incubated and then raised and then beheaded and then plucked and then cut up and then put onto a grill and they put onto a bun. Damn, it’s gonna take awhile. I don’t have that kind of time. Scrambled. —Mitch Hedberg

I love cottage cheese, that's why I want to try other dwelling cheese's too. I want to try studio apartment cheese or maybe igloo cheese or if I'm feeling adventurous, mobile home cheese. —Mitch Hedberg

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”