For a minute I thought there might have been some kind of security problem (none of them are Kardashians)

December 2013

"This week President Obama attended Nelson Mandela's memorial service in South Africa. Hundreds of world leaders were there. President Obama said it felt strange to listen to these leaders in person rather than eavesdropping on their phone calls." –Jay Leno

"Yesterday everybody reported on the fake sign language interpreter at the Nelson Mandela memorial. Turns out that he was not a fake but a violent schizophrenic who was hallucinating that angels were flying into the stadium. So at least there's a simple explanation for what went wrong. For a minute I thought there might have been some kind of security problem." –Jay Leno

"So let me get this straight. The NSA is listening to our phone calls, but no one is checking up on the violent schizophrenic who is 18 inches from the president of the United States." –Jay Leno

"According to CNN, 200,000 Americans are signed up for a one-way trip to Mars to colonize Mars. Unfortunately, none of them are Kardashians." –Jay Leno

"In defending the budget deal, Congressman Paul Ryan quoted the Rolling Stones and said, 'You can't always get what you want.' When it comes to Congress, here's a better Stones quote: 'Can't get no satisfaction.' How about that?" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”