"President
Bush will be in China for the Olympics. He's gonna be there for the opening
ceremonies, and also, while he's there, he will be searching for 'Lo Mein of
Mass Destruction.'" --David Letterman
"But I think the U.S. is going to do well, particularly in
swimming, I think we have a very strong swimming time this year for the
Olympics, yeah, that's right. Dick Cheney in particular looks great in the
freestyle waterboarding." --David Letterman
"They say John McCain is 71, but
people are saying he may be older. No one knows for sure because his birth
certificate was destroyed when the Wagon Train was attacked." --David
Letterman
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