"It's primary season, which
thanks to global warming, will soon be our last remaining season."
–Stephen Colbert
"I mean, why would Hillary
Clinton run? In the past month, she faced new Benghazi allegations, the return
of Monica Lewinsky, Karl Rove speculating on her brain damage and the rumors
that she only got into the White House by sleeping with the president. A lie?
Probably." –Stephen Colbert
"Fans
of 'The Price is Right' got angry at President Obama yesterday because a speech
he was giving interrupted the show. So let me fill them in on what they missed:
Three people you don't know got called down, and they were extremely happy
about it. That's all you missed." –Jimmy Fallon
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