"'The National Enquirer' says Sarah Palin’s husband Todd has been having an affair with a massage therapist who’s also been arrested for prostitution. What is it with all these massage therapists? Al Gore, Brett Favre, and now Todd Palin. When will one of these stories have a happy ending?" –Jay Leno
"Obama is huge in the polls these days. His popularity is soaring. Even conservatives are coming around. 30 percent of them now believe Obama deserves a Green Card." –Bill Maher
"While in Washington, Chinese President Hu Jintao met with members of Congress. It was very festive as the leader of Red China met with our orange speaker of the House." –Jay Leno
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