Just a little something to take the edge off, Ma. (which is also his spray tan setting)

New York's State Assembly is considering a new bill that would legalize alcoholic ice cream. "That's great news," said a five-year-old having a rough day. “Just a little something to take the edge off, Ma.” --Seth Meyers

Burger King Russia has apologized for offering a lifetime supply of Whoppers to any Russian woman who could get pregnant with the child of a World Cup player. In related news, no matter what this guy says [picture of Burger King’s “The King” ad mascot], he does not play for Spain. --Seth Meyers

Donald Trump thanked crowds in Phoenix for their support this weekend, saying, “I feel like a supermodel, except like times ten.” By the way, “supermodel times ten” is also his spray tan setting. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’m the Least Worst (plus I give you a ride to the airport)

A member of Marco Rubio’s inner circle said his boss benefitted from the Trump-Cruz fight because, "Marco is everyone’s second choice." That explains Rubio’s new campaign slogan, "I’m the Least Worst." –Conan O’Brien

In New York City, two supermodels joined a protest against Donald Trump’s Muslim ban. After hearing this, Trump said, “Maybe I should rethink things.” –Conan O’Brien

“The government may be legally required to release a video of the Osama bin Laden killing. For some reason it co-stars Katherine Heigl.” –Conan O’Brien

The Super Bowl ads cost the most ever this year. The ads cost $5 Million. That’s around $175,000 per second. To put that in perspective, a 30 second commercial on the Conan O’Brien show cost $200, plus I give you a ride to the airport. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”