He's a spray-tanned germaphobe who goes to the bathroom on a gold toilet (ready for some football)

So Donald Trump endorsed L.L. Bean on Twitter — because if anybody represents the rugged great outdoors, it’s a spray-tanned germaphobe who goes to the bathroom on a gold toilet. –Conan O’Brien

We have another NFL team in L.A. The San Diego Chargers have announced they will be known now as the Los Angeles Chargers. Two teams is a lot of teams. I was ready for some football. I don’t think I was ready for this much of it. Reaction from fans here in L.A, I don’t know if I’d call it mixed. They reacted the same way to opening a Bed, Bath & Beyond coupon in the mail. –Jimmy Kimmel

Yeah, all from the same night. #stamina (working a little magic in La La Land)

The CIA is now saying that the Kremlin has multiple sexual recordings of Donald Trump. After hearing this, Trump smirked and said, “Yeah, all from the same night. #stamina.” –Conan O’Brien 

Today, the San Diego Chargers announced they are moving to Los Angeles. The owner of the Chargers said, “What can I say, we really loved ‘La La Land!’” –Conan O’Brien

It’s raining so hard now, we’re actually having mudslides here in L.A. This morning I was driving to work and I was passed by a house. –Conan O’Brien