And, you get to do that and eat bacon. I'm in! (Dear Penthouse)

"Gov. Mark Sanford is still trying to recover from his sex scandal. This is the latest. This weekend, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford wrote an editorial apologizing for his behavior. I'm not sure he's sincere, though, because it starts out, 'Dear Penthouse.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Since then, the governor has apologized many times, most recently in an open letter to the people of South Carolina in which he promised to 'trust God in his larger work of changing me.' I thought Reform Judaism was lax! This Christianity thing sounds amazing! See, you're not banging a hot Argentinean woman. You're 'undergoing a religious metamorphosis.' And, you get to do that and eat bacon. I'm in!"  --Jon Stewart


"Sarah Palin’s leaving office because she wants to spend more time riding in a helicopter shooting wildlife." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

All You Need Is Oil (Magical Mystery Listening Tour)

All of these accusations are coming out about Trump’s ties with Russia. In fact, a 2013 interview just resurfaced where Trump says he has a relationship with Vladimir Putin. While Putin’s like, “Ugh, you poke someone back on Facebook, next thing you know you’re in a relationship.” –Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday, Trump held his first big press conference since the election, and he got into a shouting match with a CNN reporter who claims that Trump tried to have him thrown out. Then the other reporters were like, “Oh, come on. Why does HE get to leave?” –Jimmy Fallon

Now Penthouse is offering a million dollars to anyone who has compromising videos of Donald Trump. When he heard about the offer, Trump provided the videos himself. “I know a good deal when I see one.” –Jimmy Fallon

Ben Affleck was patted down by TSA security at Los Angeles International Airport this week. Though when it was over, the woman whispered, “I’m not in the TSA.” –Jimmy Fallon