Yes, a signaling war, just like in that famous movie: Semaphoring Private Ryan (honk the national anthem)

February 2022

“Russia has claimed that they are withdrawing some of its 150,000 troops from the border of Ukraine. Nato promptly disputed that claim, and if you’re feeling confused, that’s on purpose. Because according to the experts, the US and Russia are waging a signaling war to avert an actual war. Yes, a signaling war, just like in that famous movie: Semaphoring Private Ryan.” —Stephen Colbert

“In other Russia news, one of its elite figure skaters, 15-year-old Kamila Valieva, tested positive for a banned substance before the Winter Olympics in Beijing. Fifteen-year-olds on drugs should not be in the Olympics. They should be on Euphoria. Facing international outrage, Valieva claimed the drug got in her system via a mix-up with her grandfather’s heart medication. Yes, come on, you know how it goes! You’re in the kitchen and all of a sudden you trip and fall on to your grandpa’s day-of-the-week pill case. Now all of a sudden you’re skating around high on a cocktail of Centrum, Lipitor and Viagra.” —Stephen Colbert

“Because she is 15, Valieva is protected from certain sanctions, allowing her to still compete in the individual figure skating competition. They didn’t have a choice! If they didn’t allow her to skate, Putin would’ve just rolled her out there on a tank.” —Stephen Colbert

“On Thursday, Valieva faltered in her free skate program, dashing her hopes for a medal. But if she had finished in the top three, no medal ceremony would have been held for the event. They’ll just ship the medals out to whoever won them later, because every athlete trains their entire life for that magic moment when they can stand at attention on their stoop waiting for the UPS guy. Maybe ask the driver to honk the national anthem.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

now he’s dominating bingo at the old folks home (America in two headlines)

February 2022

“I also know that nobody believes her excuse, right? That she accidentally took her grandfather’s heart medication, but I do. I believe her, because I know what it was like growing up me and my family — we always had a big bowl of loose pills all mixed together. It’s an easy mistake to make.” — Trevor Noah, on the Russian Olympic skater Kamila Valieva testing positive for a banned substance called trimetazidine

“She tested positive for three substances that can be used to treat heart problems. Imagine how devastating that must be: You train your whole life to be in the Olympics, follow all the rules, put in all the hours, eat the right things. Last minute, you accidentally take your grandfather’s heart medicine.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“No one is focusing on the fact that her grandpa took her medication, now he’s dominating bingo at the old folks home.” — Trevor Noah

“But again, I’m not saying Russia did it on purpose; I’m not saying that. I’m just saying don’t be shocked when later this week they use 15-year-olds to invade Ukraine.” — Trevor Noah

“Her lawyer said maybe her grandfather drank something from a glass, saliva got in and this glass was somehow later used by the athlete. Ah, the old ‘must be from Grandpa’s saliva’ defense, huh?’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“We’ve all shared a big, wet cup of water with Granddad, haven’t we?” —Jimmy Kimmel 

“I think the real question is, how much of your grandfather’s saliva are you coming in contact with and why?” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”