The ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays Helter Skelter (Zombie Speaker of the House)

I was cesarean born. You can't really tell. Although whenever I leave a house I go out through the window. --Steven Wright

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. --Steven Wright

The ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays Helter Skelter. --Steven Wright

I was hitchhiking and within three minutes I got picked up by one of those huge trailer trucks carrying 20 brand new cars. The driver opened the door and the guy said he didn't have much room in there so he told me to get into one of the new cars he was hauling. So I did. Apparently he was really in to picking up people because he picked up 19 more people and we all had our own cars. Unfortunately he was also into speeding. He was going 90 miles an hour and we all got speeding tickets. --Steven Wright

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Let’s put it this way. T’aint on his back (the umbrella he uses to defeat Batman)

Roger Stone was arrested in Fort Lauderdale, but they also raided his New York residence up in Harlem. It was easy to find, because it’s the only neighborhood’s only evil lair. --Stephen Colbert

There’s speculation that the FBI’s true target  was not Mr. Stone himself, but his electronic devices. Yeah, they went after everything. His computers, his phones, the umbrella he uses to defeat Batman. --Stephen Colbert

Stone held a press conference after his arrest. When he left, Stone bid a fond farewell by doing his best impersonation of Richard Nixon. Ah, yes, impersonating Richard Nixon. The universal sign for, “I’m innocent.” Then he shouted “Helter Skelter” and his friend drove him away in a White Bronco. --Stephen Colbert

Stone claims to have been an advisor on the Nixon campaign, and he admires the former president so much he has a tattoo of Nixon on his back. Not pictured: Where he has one of Trump. Let’s put it this way. T’aint on his back. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”