Joey No Socks meet Donny Three Wives

It's reported that Donald Trump may have actually done business with the mob ... even has ties to an ex-convict named Joey No Socks. When asked about his relationship with Trump, Joey No Socks said, "That's between me and Donny Three Wives." –Jimmy Fallon

There was a brief security scare yesterday when some party balloons drifted over the White House fence. The White House staff were pretty worried, especially when they saw Obama tying those balloons to a lawn chair. –Jimmy Fallon

Saturday was the 141st running of the Preakness, and it was won by a horse named Exaggerator. Apparently, he won just by promising to make horse racing great again. –Jimmy Fallon

Italian chefs recently set a new world record after making a mile-long pizza that took five ovens and over 11 hours to bake. It got weird when the person who ordered the pizza was like, "Ooh, I said no pepperoni." –Jimmy Fallon

he then drove away on a road that I assume he paved himself

This weekend was the Kentucky Derby with Nyquist coming in first, Exaggerator coming in second, and — this is crazy — Jeb coming in last. –Seth Meyers

A wheelchair basketball game in Germany had to be called off this weekend after 60 fans attacked each other with knives and baseball bats. On the plus side, it sounds like they should have some more players for the next game. –Seth Meyers

A tow truck driver in Asheville, North Carolina, who supports Donald Trump evidently stranded a disabled woman on the side of the road after he saw a Bernie Sanders bumper sticker on her car. Telling the woman that she was obviously a socialist and that she should call the government for help, he then drove away on a road that I assume he paved himself. –Stephen Colbert

I'd rather spend $30,000 than visit you in person

Hooters is offering its annual free meal for moms. Apparently, moms must be accompanied by at least one kid, who must also be accompanied by at least one psychiatrist. –Jimmy Fallon

A company will make a life-size 3D printed model of yourself that you can send to your mom for $30,000. It's a great way of telling your mom I'd rather spend $30,000 than visit you in person. –Jimmy Fallon

The big story this weekend was that the racehorse Nyquist won the Kentucky Derby, while a horse named Exaggerator came in second place. Or as Exaggerator put it, “Hey, I won the Kentucky Derby!” –Jimmy Fallon