While you're at Costco, go ahead and return that Oval rug you ordered (Is your spouse a governor?)

"Mitt Romney of course lost the election. Think about it this way. One day you're the Republican candidate running for president of the United States, and the next day you're sitting in Applebee's blowing on your soup."  –David Letterman

"And now and not a minute too soon, there's a quiz that you can take to tell if your spouse is cheating. Question number one: Is your spouse a governor?" --David Letterman

 

"They spotted Mitt Romney at Costco. One day you're running for president of the United States. The next day you're shopping at Costco for giant jugs of mayonnaise. While you're at Costco, go ahead and return that Oval rug you ordered." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which I can only assume means in a library? (it's basically the Playboy Channel for chimpanzees)

"Mitt Romney just released a new campaign ad about the economy featuring out-of-work Americans. It gets weird at the end when he says, 'I'm Mitt Romney, and I fired all these people.'" –Jimmy Fallon

National Geographic’s new slogan is “basically the Playboy Channel for chimpanzees.” –Jimmy Fallon

Kim Kardashian appears nude on the current cover of "GQ," with the headline "Kim as you've never seen her." Which I can only assume means in a library? –Jimmy Fallon

Applebee's is offering $1 Long Island iced teas for the entire month of June. So if someone tells you they just spent $20 at Applebee's, get them to a hospital. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

now, doctors say just have fun out there (tested positive table)

January 2022

“Meanwhile, the C.D.C. has cut their recommended isolation time in half, and now it says you only need to quarantine for five days. Yeah, a lot of Covid regulations keep changing the longer the pandemic goes on. For example, back then, doctors said to cough directly into your elbow; now, doctors say just have fun out there.” —Jimmy Fallon

“They added that today is basically over, so it’s really four days. Plus, Sundays don’t count, so three day — you know what? Just take the weekend.” —Seth Meyers

“Then the C.D.C. said to avoid large indoor gatherings. Now the C.D.C. says parties are fine as long as you set up a smaller ‘tested positive’ table.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Also, back then you had to wash your hands for as long as it takes to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ twice. But now, you can sing it at the speed Applebee’s employees do when you can tell they’re not really into it.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When plunder becomes a way of life (go ahead and return that Oval rug you ordered)

December 2012

"Mitt Romney of course lost the election. Think about it this way. One day you're the Republican candidate running for president of the United States, and the next day you're sitting in Applebee's blowing on your soup."  –David Letterman

"Mitt Romney has a new job. He's going back to work. He got a job at a Marriott. When you're at the front desk arguing over your mini bar bill, Mitt will be the guy that comes from out back and says, 'I understand there's some trouble?'" –David Letterman

"Earlier today Mitt Romney was spotted on a Costco shopping spree. Romney ended up buying 14 Costcos." –Jimmy Fallon

"They spotted Mitt Romney at Costco. One day you're running for president of the United States. The next day you're shopping at Costco for giant jugs of mayonnaise. While you're at Costco, go ahead and return that Oval rug you ordered." –David Letterman

"Mitt Romney got a job at a Marriott hotel. President Obama's trying to stop us from going over the fiscal cliff. Mitt Romney is trying to stop people from stealing towels." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”