You mean I learned where Guam was for nothing? (I’ve got bad news and worse news...)

There’s some nasty weather moving up the East Coast right now, known as Tropical Storm Gert. When they heard, people named Gert were like, “Oh, come on, my life’s bad enough as it is!” –Jimmy Fallon

Costco has to pay Tiffany’s $19 million for selling 2,500 fake Tiffany rings. Husbands don’t know what’s worse, having to tell their wife her ring ISN’T from Tiffany, or that it IS from Costco. “I’ve got bad news and worse news...” –Jimmy Fallon

Kim Jong Un says he's decided not to fire missiles at Guam. Then Trump said, “You mean I learned where Guam was for nothing?” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”