"Germany is your World Cup champions, ladies and gentlemen. The winning German soccer team received a congratulatory phone call from Angela Merkel. Of course we know this because we're still bugging her phone." –David Letterman
"Congratulations, my German friends. They are World Cup champions. People in Germany were going nuts, firing guns into the air, marching up and down the streets. Then they heard about the World Cup win." –Craig Ferguson
"Germans haven't been this excited since the release of the last David Hasselhoff album. They haven't been this excited since Oktoberfest included an all-you-can-eat wiener buffet." –Craig Ferguson
"People in Germany went bonkers. Rumor has it that up to half a dozen Germans actually cracked a smile." –Craig Ferguson
"Well, it was an amazing weekend in sports. LeBron James went back to being a Cavalier, Carmelo Anthony, went back to being a Knick, and soccer went back to being a thing you drive your kids to." –Seth Meyers
"Germany defeated Argentina 1-0 to win the World Cup. German fans went absolutely crazy from 9:00 until 9:15." –Seth Meyers
"Brazil's coach resigned following the country's historic 7-1 loss in the World Cup last week. He says he wants to spend more time focusing on not being murdered." –Seth Meyers
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
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