“Technically, you’re six weeks pregnant just two weeks after you miss a period — which is a [beep] nightmare, because periods can be irregular for all kinds of reasons. I skipped a period when I started this job and at the 2018 People’s Choice Awards when Willem Dafoe looked at me too hard. That was before he became Willem Dafriend.” —Samantha Bee
The Texas anti-abortion measure bars public officials from enforcing the law, but encourages private citizens to sue anyone who assists a woman in receiving an abortion – doctors, clinic staff, Uber drivers – and promises to provide $10,000 in reward for a victorious case. Although you know people are gonna be pissed when that money only comes in Jesus bucks. You can only use them at Hobby Lobby, and even then, they’re only good for pipe cleaners and long sticks.” —Samantha Bee
“A 4-year-old girl named Scarlett just climbed her 48th mountain peak. That’s great, but she doesn’t have Instagram, so did it really happen?” —Jimmy Fallon
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night
of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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