So you want to be a conservative? (That's more Satan's area)

"Tough day for the Bush administration. A guy named Claude Allen has been arrested and charged in Maryland with swindling Target and some other department stores out of refunds. He allegedly made off without about $5000 or so which is officially the smallest amount of money ever stolen by a Republican." --Jimmy Kimmel

"She said at her church, Governor Palin, said she asked everyone to pray for a natural gas pipeline, which she said was Gods will. And today, God said, "Hey lady, I don't deal with oil companies. That's more Satan's area.'" --Jay Leno

President Bush arrived in Beijing earlier today. And before stepping out of the plane, he tested the air with a canary. But they got together, the Chinese, and threw a big state dinner for President Bush in his honor. They served Peking lame duck. And President Bush, he doesn t know what he s doing over there. He turned to the president of China, and he said, 'General Tso, I love your chicken.'" --David Letterman

A new Earth-like planet has been discovered a few months before an election where Donald Trump could be president. If that's not perfect timing, I don't know what is. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”