"New Jersey legislators want to ban eating while driving.
Good luck getting Governor Chris Christie to sign that one." –Jay Leno
"North Korea has confirmed that Kim Jong Un has fired his
uncle. Unemployment benefits in North Korea include two weeks' severance and
not being shot." –Conan O'Brien
"Last week a man was locked in an airplane for several
hours after he fell asleep during a flight and nobody woke up him up when it
landed. But other than that, Joe Biden had a great trip to Asia." –Jimmy
Fallon
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