"Officials in Iowa are facing criticism over a new law
that lets blind people own guns. The law has actually received support from two
major groups: the NRA and deer." –Jimmy Fallon
"Dennis
Rodman went to North Korea for a second time to meet with his friend Kim Jong
Un. Is it possible that Kim Jong Un thinks that Rodman is President Obama?"
–Jimmy Kimmel
"We conservatives have an uncanny ability to know what
Ronald Reagan would do at any given time. Syria conflict? Invade. Obamacare?
Repeal. Soup or salad? Jelly beans." -- Stephen Colbert
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