"Be honest. How many of you never heard of Marco Rubio
until last night? How many thought Marco Rubio was a game you played in a pool
with the kids?" –Jay Leno
"Big news coming out of the Vatican. Pope Benedict
resigned. And they're busy looking for replacements. The smart money is on Tim
Tebow." –David Letterman
"Last night's Best in Show was a little affenpinscher.
It's a German dog. The affenpinscher's name is Banana Joe. Banana Joe's being
treated like royalty today in New York. This afternoon, he went to a
steakhouse. Then he gets to spend the rest of the week serving as Donald
Trump's toupee." –Craig Ferguson
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