"CBS announced today the Pope
will be replaced by Ashton Kutcher." –Craig Ferguson
"Actually, when the voting's
done, the cardinals burn their ballots. People wait outside the Sistine Chapel
to see what color the smoke is. If it's white smoke, they've agreed on a Pope.
If it's black smoke, no decision's been made. If it's green smoke, Willie Nelson
has somehow gotten into the Sistine Chapel." –Craig Ferguson
"The Vatican was struck by lightning after the Pope
announced he was retiring. That really happened. Sounds like someone's not
handling the breakup well." –Conan O'Brien
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