"The lights went out in the third quarter, which is weird
because normally I don't experience a blackout until after a Super Bowl
party." –Jimmy Fallon
"U.S. employers just added 157,000 jobs to the economy. Of
course, most of those were for backup dancers for Beyoncé." –Conan O'Brien
"A Justice Department memo claims that President Obama has
the right to order the assassination of an American anywhere in the world.
Isn't that crazy? In a related story, Donald Trump has gone into hiding."
–Conan O'Brien
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