"Most stores are open on Presidents Day. What better way
to celebrate our presidents than by offering a sale on tires? Yes, four score
and 20 years ago, our forefathers got two-for-one on steel-belted
radials." –Craig Ferguson
"You can tell how important a president was based on his
monument. Lincoln was important because his monument shows him sitting in a
chair looking serious. And George Washington got an even better one — a monument
shaped like a giant middle finger pointed at England." ––Craig Ferguson
"People sometimes forget that George Washington was very
rich, had a pony tail, and grew hemp on his farm. He was America's original
Willie Nelson." –Craig Ferguson
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