Trump's hair and makeup team should be getting started right about now

Tomorrow night is the first Republican debate. Which means Donald Trump's hair and makeup team should be getting started right about now. –Jimmy Fallon

The debate rules state that the highest-polling candidate is given the middle podium, which means Donald Trump will be center stage tomorrow night. Well, that and the fact that he was going to stand there anyway. –Jimmy Fallon

She also knows what it's like to damage someone's organs in less than 30 seconds

Ben from Ben & Jerry's has endorsed Bernie Sanders for president. After hearing this, Chris Christie said, "After all we've been through together?" –Conan O’Brien

UFC champion Ronda Rousey will be the next model for Carl's Jr. Carl's Jr. chose Rousey because she also knows what it's like to damage someone's organs in less than 30 seconds. –Conan O’Brien

If you want to hear it in Spanish, you probably don't follow the news

Thursday night is the first Republican presidential candidates' debate. Just like "Celebrity Apprentice," you'll see Donald Trump on TV yelling at people you barely recognize. –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump's phone number has been leaked. When you call Trump's cellphone number it plays a campaign message. If you want to hear Trump's message in English, press one. If you want to hear it in Spanish, you probably don't follow the news. –Conan O’Brien

disqualified for NOT testing positive for drugs

The International Olympic Committee is officially recognizing ultimate Frisbee, which means it might actually be in the next Olympics. They say ultimate Frisbee will be the first Olympic sport where athletes are disqualified for NOT testing positive for drugs. –Jimmy Fallon

Over the weekend in Iran, temperatures reached 165 degrees, one of the highest temperatures ever recorded on earth. In fact, it was so hot in Iran, American flags burst into flames on their own. –Jimmy Fallon

It was so hot in Iran, they changed their name from Iran to "Iwalked." –Jimmy Fallon

It’s only a matter of time before Trump slips up and says something completely sane

There's a rumor out there that the CEO of Starbucks might run for president. In fact, he opened up his first campaign headquarters and another one right across the street. –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump is still leading the Republican polls, with support from 19 percent of voters. Of course, it’s only a matter of time before Trump slips up and says something completely sane. –Seth Meyers

Happy birthday to Tom Brady

Happy birthday to Tom Brady, who turned 38 years old today. He had a great party, but it got weird when someone caught him letting air out of the balloons. –Jimmy Fallon

Another American is in trouble for hunting a lion. First a dentist, now a doctor is also being accused of illegal lion hunting in Zimbabwe. Here's my question: Whatever happened to golf, seriously? They used to play golf, doctors, right? –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump has fired a campaign adviser for posting racist remarks on Facebook. Isn't that shocking? Donald Trump has a campaign adviser. –Conan O’Brien

Chris Christie really wants those two spots

Jeb Bush's campaign and the super PACs supporting him have raised more than $120 million so far. In fact, Jeb's campaign was this weekend's second highest grossing "Mission: Impossible." –Jimmy Fallon

Chris Christie, John Kasich, and Rick Perry are currently fighting for the final two spots in Thursday's Republican debate. It's going to be tough – Chris Christie really wants those two spots. –Jimmy Fallon