What have these future generations ever done for us? (zombie outbreaks)

October 2013

"Former Vice President Al Gore is here tonight to talk some sense into us about climate change. My prediction: He will fail. Maybe if climate was spelled with a 'k' like Kardashian, we would pay attention. It isn't, so we don't." –Jimmy Kimmel

"There's a lot of talk about how global warming will be a disaster for future generations. When you think about it, it's hard to care. What have these future generations ever done for us?" –Jimmy Kimmel 

"In San Francisco, Apple unveiled its new products. Apple said, 'This iPad is the fastest and most vivid way to not be able to log on to the Obamacare website.'" –Jimmy Kimmel 

Jon Stewart on Senator John McCain calling some of his Republican colleagues "wacko birds": "You don't get to complain!! McCain, you don't get to complain. At all. Because if I remember correctly, no matter how cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs you think your wacko bird colleagues are, they don't come anywhere close to your hatchling. [On screen: clip of McCain introducing Sarah Palin as his running mate in 2008]. You opened Pandora's Box! You were the guy who gave the Mogwai a post-midnight all-you-can-eat buffet! You don't get to complain that now the party's overrun with gremlins!"

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Life begins at erection (tickling distance)

November 2021

“The good news is that the pandemic is getting better. The bad news? Your ass is going home for the holidays. Unfortunately for those of us who loved having an all-pie Thanksgiving alone, this year, we might be able to enjoy a relatively normal Turkey Day. In terms of Covid, things are safer than they were last year, though health experts are still urging some precautions, such as knowing the vaccination status of guests and ventilating the space. You should also take further precautions if any of your guests are immunocompromised or if they’re young children who haven’t received the vaccine. For example, since children under five aren’t yet able to get vaccinated, you might want to leave them in the car with the window open a crack. And before someone complains – yes, I know, you also need to leave them an iPad. Jesus Christ, I’m not a monster! For the rest of you non-bleach drinkers who believed in science and have been vaxxed all along, it’s my most sincere regret to wish you a happy semi-back to normal Thanksgiving this year. Suck it up, stay safe, and maybe next year we’ll get lucky and be wiped out by an asteroid.” —Samantha Bee

“In New York City, health officials have been advised to give booster shots to all adults who want them. Any chance we could expand that to adults who don’t want them? Because they’re the problem. Just deputize the Times Square Elmos to jab anyone who comes within tickling distance.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”