“The Trump family has a long history of being assholes, but lately, you could say that they’ve been stretching the limits of how big an asshole a person can be. Starting with President Trump himself, who apparently has nothing better to do than pick fights with children. Especially his twitter attack on 16 year old climate activist Greta Thunberg. Come on, man, the president of the United States is on Twitter, bullying a teenage girl. Just try to imagine any other president doing something like this. Imagine FDR doing a fireside chat where he just goes in on Shirley Temple – ‘My fellow Americans, this little girl can’t dance for shit!’” --Trevor Noah
“In other asshole news, reports emerged recently that Donald Trump Jr went to Mongolia this summer and killed an endangered sheep with a laser-sight gun. “What kind of asshole wants to kill an endangered species? Like, most of us don’t even want to take the last nacho out of the bowl and Don Jr is out here putting panda bears in chokeholds.” --Trevor Noah
“It’s obviously not great karma for Little Bo Creep to be killing off a species, so you would think maybe the Trumps could make things up to the universe with their family charity. Except this family is so cartoonishly villainous, they even do charity like assholes. In a recent New York court ruling, ordered Trump to pay back $2m he stole from his charity for campaign purposes and a $20k painting of himself for his resort. The court also ordered Ivanka, Eric, and Donald Jr to attend a training session on how to not misuse charity funds. His New York State Guide to Avoiding Charity Abuse offered straightforward advice: Don’t steal from a fucking charity, asshole.” --Trevor Noah
“Donald Trump is also reportedly surprised that it’s the Ukraine scandal that’s led to impeachment. Yeah, me too. After all the shady deals he’s been involved in over the years, he gets tripped up by a phone call? Trump getting impeached for Ukraine is like Paul Newman winning an Oscar for The Color of Money – he definitely deserves it but it should have happened way before this.” --Stephen Colbert
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
