Top Ten Signs Your Kid is in Al Qaeda (Pooja Fallujah)

David Letterman's Top Ten Signs Your Kid is in Al Qaeda

10. His name, Mike Jenkins, now goes by Mike Bin Jenkins.

9. Runs inside for cover whenever a satellite flies overhead.

8. His chemistry tutor? Chemical Ali.

7. If he doesn't like what's for dinner, he throws a shoe at you.

6. On invitation to his birthday party, he wrote "No Kurds."

5. Hides in his room and communicates through randomly-released audiotaped messages.

4. Yearbook declares him "Most likely to defeat the American jackals in the name of Allah."

3. Asks to go to sleepaway camp in Peshawar, Pakistan.

2. Happiest day of his life: when Ayman Al Zawahiri showed up at his Bar Mitzvah.

1. Instead of Hannah Montana, he has a crush on Pooja Fallujah.

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Honey, what do you think? (Fallujah or Cedar Rapids?)

"Presidential candidate Mitt Romney was asked to explain why none of his five sons are in the military and he said that his sons demonstrate their patriotism by going on the road and campaigning for him. Now there's a tough choice: Iraq, or Iowa?? "Fallujah or Cedar Rapids? Honey, what do you think?" --Jay Leno

"It was this week in 1974 that Richard Nixon resigned the presidency after getting caught lying and violating the Constitution. Remember when that kind of thing used to get you kicked out of office?" --Jay Leno

      

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That's right, he was drinking again

"I saw the president on TV. I think he's only had three press conferences during prime time. I though he looked calm. I thought he looked confident. I thought he looked focused. That's right, he was drinking again." —David Letterman



"It was a tough press conference for President Bush. He spent the first ten minutes trying to pronounce Fallujah. ... Bush insisted that Iraq is not Vietnam. Of course not, he avoided Vietnam." —David Letterman



"In his press conference last night, President Bush said he could not remember a single mistake he had made in the last two years. The president's exact quote was: 'I ain't make none mistakes ever.'" —Conan O'Brien

I ain't make none mistakes ever

"I saw the president on TV. I think he's only had three press conferences during prime time. I though he looked calm. I thought he looked confident. I thought he looked focused. That's right, he was drinking again." —David Letterman



"It was a tough press conference for President Bush. He spent the first ten minutes trying to pronounce Fallujah. ... Bush insisted that Iraq is not Vietnam. Of course not, he avoided Vietnam." —David Letterman



"In his press conference last night, President Bush said he could not remember a single mistake he had made in the last two years. The president's exact quote was: 'I ain't make none mistakes ever.'" —Conan O'Brien



Of course not, he avoided Vietnam (Hey, who elected you president?)

"A fiery Al Gore called for the resignation of Donald Rumsfeld, Condoleeza Rice, and CIA Director George Tenet. Bush was furious. He said to Gore, 'Hey, who elected you president?!'" —Jay Leno

"I saw the president on TV. I think he's only had three press conferences during prime time. I though he looked calm. I thought he looked confident. I thought he looked focused. That's right, he was drinking again." —David Letterman


"It was a tough press conference for President Bush. He spent the first ten minutes trying to pronounce Fallujah. Bush insisted that Iraq is not Vietnam. Of course not, he avoided Vietnam." —David Letterman



You don't want too many amateurs on in one night

"I saw the president on TV. I think he's only had three press conferences during prime time. I though he looked calm. I thought he looked confident. I thought he looked focused. That's right, he was drinking again." —David Letterman


"It was a tough press conference for President Bush. He spent the first ten minutes trying to pronounce Fallujah. Bush insisted that Iraq is not Vietnam. Of course not, he avoided Vietnam." —David Letterman



"In his press conference last night, President Bush said he could not remember a single mistake he had made in the last two years. The president's exact quote was: 'I ain't make none mistakes ever.'" —Conan O'Brien



"Last night, President Bush gave a prime-time press conference. It was such a big deal that Fox News decided to preempt American Idol. Which made sense to me, you don't want too many amateurs on in one night." —David Letterman

Of course not, he avoided Vietnam

"It was a tough press conference for President Bush. He spent the first ten minutes trying to pronounce Fallujah. Bush insisted that Iraq is not Vietnam. Of course not, he avoided Vietnam." —David Letterman

"Last night, President Bush gave a prime-time press conference. It was such a big deal that Fox decided to preempt American Idol. Which made sense to me, you don't want too many amateurs on in one night." —David Letterman

"CIA Director George Tenet has now testified before the 9/11 commission and he said we are still making the same dumb mistakes, like leaving memos on the President's desk." —David Letterman