He is a good citizen driven to despair (the donate to charity slice)

I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same. —Mitch Hedberg

I had a neighbor and whenever he would knock on my wall, I knew he wanted me to turn my music down and that made me angry because I like loud music. So when he knocked on the wall I'd mess with his head. I'd say, ‘go around I cannot open the wall. I don't know if you have a doorknob on the other side but over here there’s nothing.’ —Mitch Hedberg

I went to a pizzeria. I ordered a slice of pizza, the dude gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart for what people would do if they found a million dollars, this dude gave me the donate to charity slice. —Mitch Hedberg

I can only wear V-necks because my neck is very fragile. I cannot wear a regular neck shirt, it hurts. And I especially hate turtlenecks. Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy all damn day. If you wear a turtleneck and a backpack it’s like a weak midget trying to bring you down. —Mitch Hedberg

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”